I refuse to kiss ass!

Once upon a time, I was a "company man" (or rather,woman). I bent over backwards to accommodate my employer, my customers/families, my vendors. I worked long hours for little pay, and was basically on call 24/7. I traveled to far off places at the drop of a hat, missed friends weddings and birthday parties, missed my husband and k-9 kids, and all for what? I was kicked to the curb when the new boss's son and I didn't see eye to eye.
So I refuse to be a "company-person" anymore.
I just want to show up, do my job, get paid for the time I put in, and go home at the end of the day and not have to think about my job until I return there the next day/week. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

All the employees (from all the locations) were given a 2 page questionnaire to fill out and turn back in by the end of next week. While we weren't s'posed to put our name on it, we had the option of putting our employee id number on it.

I laughed (smirked?) at some of the questions. Some were direct questions we had to fill in with yes/no answers. Some were multiple-choice, others we could write an essay if we wanted for our answer.
On some of the multiple-choice questions, I didn't feel they gave us enough options for answers as everything was either black or white. My answer (which fell in the gray area) wasn't listed, so I had to chose what they provided. I didn't like that very much.
I was reading some of my answers aloud as I read the questions out loud. My boss said I shouldn't put my response down. I said, "why? it's the truth. I'm not sucking up to anybody."
In other words, I'm not going to pretend like everything is all peachy-keen and keep the peace when things aren't so great, nor am I going to pretend like I'm wanting to climb the company ladder, when I don't.
And as for the question regarding what my personal/professional goals were, I answered...
personal: live long enough to see retirement and enjoy it
professional: put in my 40 hours and get paid for it.
I mean seriously, why do we have to have professional goals? Why can't we just be one of the drones that punches a time-clock, gets the job done and goes home? I have no aspirations of moving up in the company. I don't want to be in management. Been there, done that. Didn't like it. I don't want the responsibility of telling others what to do. I just want to do my job and be left alone. I see nothing wrong with that.
Another question asked how I liked to be recognized. I answered: PAY
From whom do you like to receive recognition? Answer: My Paycheck

I may not have a job after they read my questionnaire. That may be the price I'll have to pay for being honest, being me. I refuse to play these games and tell people what they want to hear. I refuse to kiss ass!

Nervous Breakdown?

Can anybody tell me what a nervous breakdown actually consists of?
I feel like I'm on the verge of one.
Or maybe it's just me stressing out.
Everything that is going on in my husband's family (and there is sooo much I've not even blogged about, nor will I), I feel it is putting a real strain on our marriage. Something has got to give, and soon!
I know I'm not s'posed to blog about work, but to suffice it to say that I arrived at work today and just sat down and started crying as I complained to my boss about things that were/weren't going on around here and the unfairness of it all.

The husband and I are s'posed to be on vacation the week after next. I think when we'd originally planned it we were hoping our camper would be repaired and we'd perhaps be able to take it out. However, the repair shop hasn't even started on it as they're still looking for parts.
Okay, so nix the camping. Of course, now with everything that is going on with his family, I guess I know where he'll be spending that week... not with me! Even if the temperatures go up and it doesn't rain/snow anymore, the ground is so saturated it's way too muddy to get out and work in the yard. I really don't want to sit around the house by myself while he's gone, so I may as well see if I can change that week of vacation to a better time of year.
Life just generally sucks right now and I'm not very happy.

I suppose if there is anything positive going on right now it's that I got the paperwork in the mail this past week regarding Olivia starting to do pet-therapy work, and, the calendar is starting to fill up with 5k and charity walks, so my weekends will start to get busy again.

The Polar Bear Plunge is this weekend. While I'm not insane enough to do that (I wouldn't jump in the river in the middle of summer, much less in winter!), I think I will take Olivia down there to watch and cheer on the participants.
St. Baldricks is little more than 3 weeks away. I can hardly wait to get this mop of hair off my head!! I'm just about half-way to meeting my goal. Anyone interested in sponsoring me can go to my donation page: http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/366849

Okay, I'm trying to have happy thoughts now.

A sad conversation

I had a conversation last night with an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was good to catch up and remember some of the good times we had over the years. I laughed a lot at some of the memories we dredged up.
I've always thought the world of this person, knowing my friend would give the shirt off his/her back to help in any way possible if needed. We gradually drifted apart over the years, most of our contact the past four or five years coming in the form of exchanging Christmas cards, but despite the lack of direct contact, my friend was never very far from my thoughts.
At one point during our conversation, he/she professed to be a Christian and was "right with the Lord".
Now a few of my friends have gotten on my case over the years for my lack of religion/faith. I'm not perfect, neither are they. We've all got our good qualities and our faults. But I like to think despite my lack of faith, that I'm basically a good person. I like to think I'm accepting of other people, despite their skin color, nationality, religion (or lack there of), or sexual preference. Stupidity on the other hand, I have a problem with, but that's a blog for another time.
So when my friend professed to me his/her Christianity, it made me rather sad, because my friend is a bigot, and makes no bones about it.
As far as he/she is concerned, blacks shouldn't co-mingle with whites, other than in a service capacity. He/she certainly wouldn't want a black family living too near them, and you would pretty much be crossed off the friendship list if you became romantically involved with someone of another race. Believe me, I saw him/her stop talking to another friend, simply because someone in that person's family started dating a black man.
And if you were Jewish! My word, that was even worse than being black in their eyes. I can't begin to tell you how many times I heard him/her put down the Jews.
I never heard him/her comment on homosexuals, but I somehow doubt he/she was very accepting of gays either.
As my friend has so much disdain for most anyone that is different from themselves, I just don't understand how he/she can call themselves a good Christian.
Whatever happened to loving one's fellow man? Accepting and embracing others differences? Love thy neighbor, etc. etc. etc.???
If my friend's church and religion is teaching to hate other races/cultures/religions/sexual preferences, etc., then he/she can have their Christianity. I want no part of it.

Now honestly, I know this isn't what their church teaches. I know too many other people that also attend that church and don't think the way my friend does.
I didn't say anything to my friend last night as he/she was professing to me, I just turned sad as I remembered all the horrible things that were said over the years. And I began to realize why it was that I had let that friendship fade away.

2010 SUCKS!!!

Well, so far, 2010 is shaping up to be a really sucky year regarding the health and well-being of our friends and family.

As most of you know by now, we've been expecting my husband's sister to pass any day now.
We received a phone call shortly after 3am Sunday morning, informing us her husband had passed away. I would imagine now that he's passed, she'll go even sooner now.
And then there was the scare we had with John's dad last week when he fell in the snow and laid there for 3 hours before help was summoned.

One of neighbors and dear friend, who we nearly lost a year and a half ago and has been battling his cancer ever since, took a turn for the worst last weekend. He's back home now, head shaved. He's in good spirits, but we can only wonder how much longer he'll be with us.

Last evening I received a phone call from a friend whose step-father only has a few weeks left. For all practical purposes and intent, he is all she has left, and vice-versa, therefore everything is falling to her to handle. While I don't know him well, I have met him on a few occasions and he has even had dinner with us in our home, so he a manner of speaking, he's like distant family. She was looking to me for guidance (because I work in a funeral home), and my heart breaks for what she's going through.

Finally, last night we received yet another phone call from a former neighbor and friend, regarding the health of still another former neighbor and friend. We have all kept in touch despite not living right next to each other, though those two couples more so than us. Our friend James isn't doing very well and has only been given a few weeks left to live.

I keep wondering, "when will it all end?" Not their lives I mean, but so much grief and worry in our lives happening all at once.
I keep asking myself, "what/who next?"

Dog Daze of Winter

For the danes that sport the au natural ears, I like to call this the Teddy-Bear look:

I wouldn't normally take pix of them (at least not of Olivia) with the ears back like this, because hers are so yucky. She detests having them cleaned out. Eliott loves it. Bootsy isn't an issue because Eliott cleans hers for me. I've only seen him try to clean Olivia's once, and she wanted no part of it. Usually I either have to take a quick stab at it either when John's pinning her down during nail trimming or else when she's asleep.

However, I did learn a new trick the other day. Put on a pair of thin gloves, and start petting her, rubbing the sides of her head, and then just carefully work the fingertip into the ear. By the time she realizes whats happened, I've gotten them pretty well cleaned out.

Of course now she won't come near me if she sees gloves or mittens on my hand.

Olivia seems rather indifferent towards all the snow we've gotten recently.

She squatted to pee and when she stood back up, it looked as if someone had powdered her butt with a powder-puff.

Bootsy & Eliott on the other hand...

As long as the snow isn't actually coming down on them, they simply love running around in it!!

A short video of Olivia getting her cardio exercise.

I have quirks and issues

I realized this morning (not for the first time) that I have some quirks and issues that most people don't realize I have. I thought I'd list a few of them. Feel free to comment on what peculiar quirks you have.

*I don't like to walk around in my socks. I either have to have shoes on or else go barefoot. Walking around in socks grosses me out and I hate seeing other people do it, regardless of where I'm at.

*I seldom (I won't say never, but rarely) hang my coat up on a coat rack in a public place. Two reasons: 1) I'm afraid someone might steal it or the contents of my pockets and 2) Lice. I've never had it, never want to have it, and I'm afraid if my coat touches someone that has lice, then I may get it. You can thank my mother for this phobia.

*It completely grosses me out to no end whenever somebody brushes their hair in my presence outside of a bathroom or beauty salon. I'm horrified when people do it in a kitchen or dining area, and it pisses me off to no end when people do it in a car, especially mine! And yes, I know my car is full of dog hair, but that's different.

*It grosses me out when people share hair brushes/combs/picks (again, the lice thing). I think this is part of the reason I stopped getting my hair done in a salon and I keep it short. No need for a brush/comb. :)

*It also grosses me out when people share toothbrushes. WTF?? If I ever forgot my toothbrush when traveling, I'd use my finger before using somebody elses toothbrush. Ugh!, gross!!!!!

*I can cross the small toe on my right foot over top of the toe next to it, but can't do the same with my left foot. It's not a result of an injury. It has been that way for as long as I can remember.

*My left eye is slightly larger than my right. Well, maybe the eye itself isn't larger so much as the lid on my right droops a slight bit, making that eye look smaller.

*When my head is stopped up, I can blow air out my tear ducts. Is this normal? Can any of you do it?

*If I drink Coke, (aside from a fountain drink) it has to be pre-chilled AND served over lots of ice, preferably crushed ice or very small cubes. However, if I drink a diet soda, I only want it straight from the bottle (pre-chilled of course), and only from a can if I can't get a bottle. And yet, while I prefer water very cold, I can drink it at room temperature, bottled or from a glass. And as for tea, while I can't stand hot tea, I can drink iced tea that has set out and warmed up to room temperature. Milk has to be over ice as well, unless straight from the carton (yes, I admit it).

Okay, those are just a few.
Any you care to fess up to???

When it rains it pours

Saturday morning, I made the trek southward to see my s-i-l one last time. It's a strange thing, knowing when you say good-bye to someone that it really is "good-bye" forever. In all honesty, even as sick as she is, she looks better than I've seen her look in years, because she's lost all the excess weight she's been carrying around, yet not lost so much that she's looking skeletal. She actually looked good. Certainly, she looked better than her husband. I had to turn away when they wheeled him into the room. The term "Troll" came to mind when I saw him. I'm not trying to be cruel, I just can't explain how badly he looks, especially compared to all the other times I've seen him.
I spent about 3 hours down there, it might've been more if, #1) I had taken a map with me instead of relying on my husband and m-i-l's directions. They both had me so lost it was unreal. She kept telling me to look for a certain sign (which wasn't where she said it would be, but another 30 miles closer to my destination), and my husband told me to turn right when I got to the McDonalds & Hardees, only he neglected to tell me I needed to turn left when I got to the "T" intersection by the Walmart some 30 miles before the McDonalds/Hardees intersection.
Lesson learned, never let these two people tell you how to get anywhere!! and #2) the combined smells in the house were making me so sick, I was fighting my gag-reflex and my eyes kept watering from the gagging sensation. I don't have a strong stomach. Of course it made things worse when I stepped outside for fresh air and then went back in the house, after breathing clean air, the smells in the house were intensified. I left shortly thereafter. But of course, the odors were in my clothes and hair by now, and I could smell them all the way home. Once I got home, I stripped down just inside the front door and threw everything, including my winter coat, into the washing machine. Blech!!!
My husband finally returned home Sunday afternoon and I couldn't get his clothes washed fast enough to get the odors out. A few hours after he arrived home, he got a call that they were taking his b-i-l to the hospital, despite his sister's protests. Honestly, the man needs to be in a nursing home, but I know his wife would never stand for it. And again, in all honesty, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if these two people passed away within 24 hours of each other. Death by a broken heart.
As I was leaving the house this morning in this latest blizzard we're enduring, I gave my husband strict orders to take it easy, prop his feet up and rest.
I say all this because he took a shower shortly after I arrived in Lebanon on Saturday, and came walking through in a pair of shorts. I immediately broke out in tears at the condition I saw him in. His legs, especially his left one, were swollen up something awful! The skin was stretched so taught he looked like he was about to explode. He's retaining fluids. I know stress can cause some of this, and of course his crappy diet. But part of it is because he's so busy waiting on everybody else hand and foot, he's not taking care of himself. I got so pissed at some of his family members while I was there... every time he left the room, whether to make a phone call or use the toilet or whatever, somebody was immediately going, "where's John?" Sh!T people, give the man a few minutes to himself!! And these were the able-bodied people, perfectly capable of waiting on themselves, but are too lazy to do so. It just pisses me off how almost everyone in his family uses and abuses his good nature.
Well, so much for him getting any rest today. He called me about 10:30 to inform me that an ambulance had been called and was taking his dad to the hospital. What now!??!?!?!!?
Apparently the poor man had stepped outside this morning to get his newspaper off his porch and fallen, and then had laid there for nearly 3 hours in the 20-degree weather and snow. The Life-Alert people were finally notified (I don't know why it took so long, so don't ask me) and they notified my husband/s-i-l. Fortunately, nothing was broken, but the man nearly died from hypothermia. He may have a touch of pneumonia now.
I keep wondering "what's next?"

My lips are chapped?

For my friends/family that know me well, then they know a tube of chapstick (regardless of the brand, I refer to all lip balm as chapstick) is never more than arms length away at any given time. I'm obsessed with the stuff. I should own stock in the company(ies). Ironically, it's probably the stuff I'm using that's causing most of my problems. I'm constantly applying it to my lips. Some people reach for a cigarette after eating/drinking, before/after playing/working outside, after sex, or whatever... I reach for the chapstick.
Of course, I am referring to the lips surrounding my mouth, just above my chin and below my nose.

The rest of this post will probably fall under the category of WAAAYY TOO MUCH INFORMATION!! And certainly it's a Women-ONLY blog. Men can just turn away now. But I've just got to share, as I was nearly in hysterics.

So yesterday it was time once again for that yearly trek to the obgyn. A most humiliating, if not degrading exam, yet a necessary evil in our lives.
After I was called away from the waiting area, I was promptly handed the obligatory pee-cup and told to fill it. I hate this act. I remember my first experience with peeing in a cup when I was 6 years old. It wasn't pleasant then and it's not pleasant now. In fact, it's down right awkward, especially as you grow older and your thighs grow fatter and it gets harder to... well, never mind.
When I entered the restroom, it was all I could do to keep from cracking up and LOL'ing. There were printed instructions within a picture frame, hanging on the wall, telling us how to properly pee in a cup. Who knew there was a right/wrong way?!!
1) cleanse with a moist towelette
2) pee for a second into the toilet
3) then pee in the cup
I can't help but wonder, what if it's all you can do to squeeze out a few drops in the first place and you've now wasted those precious drops in the toilet? You'd think they'd be happy with anything you can provide instead of being so picky as to whether it's the beginning or ending urine.
Fast forward 20 minutes and the doctor finally comes in to see me.
Once I'm scooched down to the end of the table and in exam-position, the doctor promptly announced to me that my lips were chapped. Obviously not the lips on my face.
My lips are chapped? News to me. I'm not enough of a contortionist that I can get my head between my legs to check on such things.
I haven't been itching down there, so there's no reason I should know this I guess.
So while I'm lying there feeling shame for reasons I can't fathom, she proceeded to tell me it's because of society, some of us keep ourselves too clean. Yes, despite the horrible, messy, dirty house I keep, my own personal hygiene is above reproach.
She then proceeds to tell me that while she's not crazy about any of the Vagasil products, should I develop any itching, then Vagasil Silk is the best product, simply because nobody has invented a chapstick for those lips yet.
Now I'm biting my lip (er, facial lip), fighting hysterical laughter, as images fill my head of me whipping out my jumbo sized tube of chapstick to apply to my other lips every time I go to the restroom or bathe.
I'd just like to say, it's thanks to all those dirty-butt people that I've encountered since 1996 (when I first noticed the brown triangle on the toilet seats) that have turned me in to such a clean freak and thus caused my lips to be chapped. Hmph!!

Random Thoughts

**Most women enjoy getting (if not EXPECT to get) for Valentines Day: Red Roses, A box of candy, dinner at a nice restaurant, and probably jewelry.
I'm not in to all that stuff and view most of it as a huge waste of money... the flowers will be wilted/dead in a few days, rarely does boxed candy taste very good (IMO), I've not much use for expensive jewelry, and I'd settle for a run-of-the-mill restaurant that I can wear my jeans or sweats to as opposed to a fancy restaurant. What can I say, I'm a down-to-earth, practical, kinda girl.
I'd be happy with a half-gallon of Baskin Robbins German Chocolate Cake ice cream. It is undoubtedly the best flavor in the world. It used to annoy me that it's a seasonal flavor, only available during the winter time, but considering how I can polish off an entire 1/2-gal all by myself, it probably bodes well in my favor that I can't purchase it during the summer when I'm more apt to eat ice cream.

**My husband is still out of town. While I do miss him, I'm starting to rather enjoy being able to sleep in the middle of our bed, sprawled out. I may actually be bummed out if he ever comes back home.

**Okay, so this woman I know (not well, but she is an acquaintance of mine), I recently found out she's married to this guy (I nearly fell over when I found out she was married) that considers himself somewhat of a celebrity, if only on a local level. To be more specific, he tries to pass himself off as a comedian.
I was curious so I googled him, which of course lead me to Youtube. I watched a few of his short videos, and I've come to the conclusion that 1) he's not funny in the least, not even by accident and 2) I think he and his wife must be brother/sister.
As stunned as I was when I found out she had a husband, it astounds me even more that he has a wife. So I guess in a sense, they're perfect for each other. It scares me.

**It bums me out when the fights are on pay-perview and I don't get to see them. However, I did discover a website today that has the video from the pay-perview so now I'm happy. I still get to see them, just a couple of days late. As long as I don't read the headlines to find out who wins, I'm alright.
Hurray for Couture beating Coleman!! I was bummed that Marqart(sp?) lost to Sonnen, but that was an awesome fight, especially in the 2nd & 3rd rounds. Totally gnarly!!!!

The Big Chill

I just finished watching "The Big Chill" (not for the first time). It was the 15th anniversary edition (although it's now been about 27 years since it came out), and it was interesting to watch the idea behind the movie and to listen to the actors interviews.
Generally, I'm not a fan of all these re-make movies (like King Kong which has been made 3 times now). Newer versions of the old classics. But I think this is one movie that could stand to be re-made again. Don't get me wrong, I love the original. I love the cast that portrayed the characters. I love the theme of enduring friendship.
But let's face it, times have changed (isn't that part of what the movie is about, the changing times?). How would that same scenario play out in todays world where everyone has at least one cell phone or PDA in the palm of their hand every minute of the day? Where everyones lives are too busy to stop what they're doing and help a friend for a few minutes, much less to fly across the country for the funeral of a friend they hadn't seen in 10 or more years.
In this day and age of disposable friendships, if presented with that same scenario of a college-buddy committing suicide, would the rest of the "gang" come together as they did back then? Would they get along as well?
I love this movie. The music is great, the characters make me smile at the way the all get along (even when they aren't getting along), and yet, at the same time, this movie also makes me very sad.

Getting a taste

I arrived home Friday to find my husband safely home, sound asleep in bed. I took care of feeding the 4-legged children, then crawled in to bed next to him, and napped for a couple of hours. It was comforting to once again have him close.
When I awoke around 7pm, I moved quietly around the house, ate pizza for dinner, and tried to let him catch up on his rest. But he finally awoke about 8pm and emerged from his den to visit with me. We hugged, he cried. I fixed him a pizza and while eating it, he cried some more. Every few minutes he'd get himself composed, and a few minutes later, he'd start crying all over again. It breaks my heart for what he's going through, but I know I'm getting a small taste of what it's going to be like when one of his other siblings or parents (especially his dad) enters their final days, because of all his family members, this sister was the one he was least close to, and I don't just mean mileage-wise.
We discussed going to see her this coming weekend, together. But after sleeping on it that night, he woke up Saturday morning in such a dither. He couldn't possibly wait that long. What if she passed before then?
Of course the practical, funeral-employee side of me is going, "so what if she does? The world is not going to come to an end. What if she'd died in FL and you weren't there? What if she'd died on the plane trip home? You can not blame yourself or beat yourself up if you are not holding her hand when she dies."
He was ready to take all 5 weeks of his vacation right now so he could spend every single minute with her before she goes.
Now I was starting to get pissed and seriously annoyed with the man. I suggested taking a couple of his floating holidays this week instead of a whole vacation. But that wasn't good enough. I had to remind him that if his father should become critically ill (and I have a feeling this whole episode is going to take a serious toll on the man's health), then he'd be kicking himself for not having any remaining time off to spend with his father. I think I finally made him understand that taking all 5 weeks wasn't wise. But then he asked his boss about taking time off withthe Family Leave Act. Now I really put my foot down. Dammit!! I had a hard time making him understand he wouldn't be getting paid if he did that, and we couldn't survive without his paycheck.
I was really starting to get aggrevated with him as he kept getting all wishy-washy on what he wanted to do. One minute he was leaving me again, the next he was staying, then he was leaving, then he was crying about missing my birthday and Valentine's Day.
So yes, I'll be all alone on my birthday and Valentine's Day this year. I'm already throwing myself a pity-party. I cried Saturday night, not at his pending loss, just at myself for being annoyed.
I'm trying to tell myself it's not about me right now. I need to put my big-girl panties on and deal with it.
So...
Before he'd decided Saturday to leave me again, we'd gone to the store and purchased some groceries and the necessary items to make some appetizers to take to a Super Bowl party we'd been invited to. Since he'd left me, I was no longer in the mood to go party and preferred to stay home and sulk, but I went on and made the two cold veggie pizzas since I had the ingredients. I now have cold veggie pizza coming out of my ears.

:)

Finally, my husband is on his way home.
His nephew (who has no license) is riding with him, so hopefully he can help keep him awake, but I'm still sick to death with worry about him. They are driving straight through so they can get the rental truck unloaded in Lebanon and then it has to be turned in at the Hertz place in Louisville by 10:30 in the morning.
I've had to beg a favor from a neighbor to go and pick him up and bring him home as I can't get off work in the morning to do it.
Even though we've gone longer stretches of time without seeing one another before, and there have been greater distances between us, this feels like the longest stretch ever.
I just might have to shave my legs when I shower in the morning. :)

The Tunneler

Ignore the wreck that is my house. It's been probably 3 years since I had the dog tunnel out and Olivia's gone through it. I wasn't sure she'd even go near it, much less fit in it, but she did and went through it several times.

Snow daze

Last Saturday morning our area received about 3" of snow (+/-). It stopped falling around 10:30 and I took the dogs out for a little play time in the snow.

Olivia never seems all that impressed with the white stuff .

Bootsy & Eliott on the other hand, have a good time running and playing in it,

if only for a few short minutes before begging to be let back in.

After the snow stopped, the sun came out to shine bright and they enjoyed lying by the back door 'til time for me to leave.

My Office Assistant

It will be 2 weeks tomorrow, since Bootsy had her surgery. When I got her home, this is how her large incision looked. Not unlike a giant turkey-leg.

It took her a mere 5 minutes to start unraveling the stitches...

Thus the need for her to wear this contraption for the majority of the time ever since.

When she's at work with me, there's no need to wear it, but I do have to fuss at her every so often to leave her purple threads alone.

Bootsy has been a bit of a surprise to me these past two weeks. She has behaved much better than I would have ever expected her to, as I've always labeled her as my "problem child".

But behave she has. She's not torn anything up, chewed on nothing aside from her bone, and had no accidents. She's barked only twice, and I was able to get her quieted immediately before she could raise a ruckus.

Sadly though, she has shown her dislike of men, and more specifically, men in hats. On two separate occasons one of our vendors stopped by. He's one of the nicest men you'd ever want to meet, but both times he came in wearing a ballcap, and every time he walked near my desk, she started in with the low growls.

My boss, while she wasn't overly friendly towards him, she did at least accept his presence and allow him to walk past. The one time he had to come behind my desk to use my computer, she got up and walked in to the next room in order to put distance between them. But yesterday he walked in wearing a ballcap, and I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She scurried to hide behind my desk and sat there trembling so hard.

I hate to think what she and her litter-mates must've experienced as pups to have instilled such a fear of people wearing ballcaps.

Fortunately for us, her love and trust of John & I overrides her fear of the caps when we wear them.

I'm going to miss my assistant after today.

She's going to miss the car rides to/from work everyday.

If ever, last night

If ever I have doubted the depth and sincerity of my love for my husband, last night those doubts were banished.
If ever I have cried myself sick with worry for another human being, last night was it.
If ever I have felt complete and utter disdain for another human being, last night was it.
If ever I wanted to pick up the phone and tell another human being what I thought of them, last night was it.

Okay, to recap the whole s-i-l situation.
My husband, his brother, and his brother's neighbor flew to Florida Monday evening.
My understanding at that time was that they were going to put the sister & her husband on a plane back to Kentucky and the three of them would rent a Uhaul and bring as much of their belongings back with them as they could, and they'd definitely be back in KY by Thursday morning, as the neighbor had to be back to work.
So when I spoke to the husband last night, he informed me that he has been sleeping in a chair at the hospital this whole time, which means he hasn't gotten a good nights rest since Sunday night (and perhaps even Saturday, the last time he slept in his own bed). He said they pretty much had his sister talked in to returning to KY and her husband kept flip-flopping on whether he wanted to stay or go.
Of course all this means they've not started packing that first bit of clothing, furniture or any personal belongings.
Okay, so if the neighbor dude has to be back to work tomorrow, I'm guessing he's not going to have time to help them drive back now, and he'll have to fly back sometime today. I'm guessing they will try and get his sister discharged from the hospital some time today so she can go home and pack a couple of suitcases, and whenever they can get her booked on a flight, then John's brother will be flying back with her.
This leaves John in Florida alone. Well, okay, with his niece/nephew (who I feel are basically useless). At this point he doesn't know if he's going to be driving one of his sister's cars back to KY or if they're still going to try and rent a Uhaul. Regardless of which they choose, I am absolutely sick with worry about him driving back from Florida alone.
The man has trouble staying awake for the 20 minute drive to get home after work each day, how is he supposed to make a 20 hour drive by himself??
I broke down and cried no less than 5 separate times last night, worrying over his safety.
I'm absolutely furious and filled with contempt for his brother for potentially putting him in this situation.
If anything should happen to my husband to prevent him from safely returning home to me, I'm probably going to need my friends/family to come up with bail money for me.

The in-laws

Many people have emailed, offering their sympathies and support over the situation with my s-i-l. Some have asked if I'm in shock or how I'm handling the situation.
So let me just set the record straight right here.
While I truly sympathize with what she and her husband/kids are going through, and I hate that my husband, his other siblings and parents are facing the loss of their beloved family member, I personally am feeling no great sense of sorrow or impending loss.
I would probably be more upset by one of my neighbors passing away than this s-i-l.
While we've always gotten along, been civil/cordial to one another, we've never been close. Neither she nor I have ever picked up the phone in 22 years and called the other just to chat and see how the other was doing. The only time I've ever called her in all that time was when John went to the hospital when we thought he was having a heart attack several years ago.
In general, I haven't much use for her or her husband. While at our step-father-in-law's funeral in 1994, her husband made a pass at me, offering me his services in the bedroom. Besides the fact that we're in-laws and both married therefore making his offer totally inappropriate, to do it while at a funeral was over the top tacky!! I lost all respect for the man.
As for the s-i-l, she's done a couple of things over the years that make me feel she's nothing more than a thief, or at the very least, someone that would take advantage of a person/situation every chance she got.
1) Several years ago she was in town for a visit. I went shopping with both the s-i-ls and spent bunches of money on a new wardrobe. When I got home that evening, I was looking at the receipt and comparing it to the items I'd purchased and discovered the cashier had somehow missed ringing up about 3 of the dresses that probably totalled around $150. The next day, I took the items back to the store and informed of their error. They added the charges to my credit card. At dinner that evening, my husband was telling everyone what I had done and the s-i-l promptly said in a rather loud voice, "Well that was a stupid thing to do!"
Obviously, she'd have kept the clothes and not given it a second thought. Hey, if she can sleep at night doing that, more power to her. Me, I'd have felt guilty had I done that. As it was, I slept fine that night.
2) We were attending a wedding reception several years ago at a local historic place. There is a kiosk in the large foyer that sold cookbooks, history books and what-not on the history of this place. For whatever reason, the roll-down door wasn't closed/locked all the way and it was possible for anyone walking past to reach in and help themselves. Granted, a few of us did pick up some of the books and thumb through them, but I and most others put them back after browsing. Not my s-i-l. She promptly stuffed a cookbook in her purse and walked out. I brought it to her attention that those weren't free and she said, "Tough. They shouldn't have left the door open."
So this makes it okay to steal???
This particular situation has left me with a touch of guilt over the years, as I should've done more to make her put the book back, or at the very least, reported the theft, but I did nothing. Perhaps by not taking any action, I was somehow condoning her bad behavior?

I can't help but wonder what other stuff she's pulled when I wasn't around. Makes me wonder if she ever stole from her patients (she was an RN) if they left jewelry or a purse lying around because we all know how she feels about those situations "too bad, it shouldn't be lying in the open for anyone to take". Hmph! Just because something is left lying open doesn't mean you have to steal.
So while I appreciate everyones emotional support, it really isn't necessary (not for me anyway). If/when she passes, I'll be there and be supportive for my husband's sake, but I doubt I'll be too torn up over the loss.
If that sounds cold and harsh of me, I'm sorry, but that's just the way I feel.

What a difference a week makes

My husband, who is on vacation this week and left Sunday afternoon to go visit his mom & brother in Lebanon (KY), called me this morning and informed me that he and his brother and his brother's neighbor were flying to Florida this afternoon.
My husband HATES flying with a passion, but he's sucking it up for his sister's sake.
Apparently the situation with her health is much graver then she let on last week, and the doctors are now giving her about 2 weeks to live.
I'm sure under other circumstances, this whole scenario would be a humorous story, but given the situation, there really isn't anything humor in it.
So as I said, the three men are flying to Florida, they're going to rent a Uhaul and load up as much of the sister and her husband's belongings as they can, and bring them back to Kentucky so she can die with her family around her. I think they're trying to get them flown back on a medical flight or something, as I'm sure neither could handle a 20 hour car trip.
I'm now sick with worry about my husband #1 because he'll be flying and #2 because he'll be driving a big truck back from FL without me there to nag him to stay awake. I won't get a moments rest until I know he's safely back in Kentucky.
Life can sure change in an instant. I guess we should never take anything for granted and know that tomorrow is promised to no one.
The evil part of me is wanting to throw this situation back in my m-i-l's face for the comment she made back before xmas when she found out we were spending the holidays with my family instead of her... "well, I'm sure Pita's parents will outlive your father and I". Maybe they will, maybe they won't... as I said, the evil side of me wants to make some smart-ass remark to her. But I won't. I know the woman is suffering enough without me being a bitch. But it's awfully tempting.